The Life and Times of Bertie and Charlie

national | crime and justice | opinion/analysis Friday October 06, 2006 18:51 by K.T. Walsh

Mutuality. Shared Experiences and Perception. Attitudes.

C.J. Haughey lessons to Bertie Ahern

One Christmas Eve in Dublin, in the 1960's, a senior civil servant with a few drinks too many, in the Civil Service, stole a turkey in Moore Street, on his way home. He was caught, disgraced and his job was on the line. A file on the matter sat on the Minister for Finance's desk and who was the minister but Charlie Haughey.

His words were 'For jaysus sake, have a bit of common sense, anyone could steal a turkey coming up to Christmas if they got pissed enough'. Charlie himself was no stranger to a drink. He never stole a turkey but he pocketed circa 10 million euros from Ireland's rich and corrupt. Charlie illegally dodged the tax. He was lucky not to be sent to prison for perjury and obstruction of justice. He died a millionaie, passed on to his sons and daughter. He received a State funeral which cost the taxpayer over euros 100,000.

In 1961, in the IRA's border campaign which started in 1956. The Government were faltering in relation to the IRA campaign but Haughey helped end it quickly using both Stick and Carrot. On one hand he activated the Special Criminal Court to jail IRA members - on the other he announced an Amnesty for those surrendering their weapons. The strategy worked.

With the IRA out of the way for the time being, Charlie became the reformer. He took centre stage. He introduced a fair body of liberalising law. He stroke a blow with women's rights with the Succession Act - a law which forced husbands to include their wives' in their wills. Strange he failed to include mistresses!!!! He abolished the death penalty except for certain capital offences. He also introduced the Free Legal Aid Scheme. He may have been a 'gangster' but Bertie and the Mad Mullah are no Charlie Haughey.

The Dail is Haughey's young era was a comparatively sleepy arena but the young Haughey made his mark which will last until the grass turns from green to blue. An ageing Haughey stood in the Dail looked over at a young barrister who had just entered and said 'You are the nastiest piece of work to ever enter here' - McDowell, was he was looking at.

Today I ask who is the icon of Ethics and Accountability in Ireland? The fiasco of the last two weeks in the Dail makes us a laughing stock in Europe and probably globally. In the last 27 hours, McDowell has been like a Poodle - he flew in Dr. Ruth from New York, during the night, for counselling. While lying back on the couch hugging his Jack Russell - Dr. Ruth what is happening to me?' in relation to this gobshite from North Dublin called Bertie. After reading the files on both, Dr. Ruth replied - private school and state school - the difference is Michael, only fees. The rest is perception. You now realise that you are in a huff by not being asked for the last 8 years as a special guest to Bertie's tent at the Galway Races - you are both alike Michael, liars, in denial of ethics and accountability and also both of you realise you have to stay until May because of your pensions, full term means full pension. Now Michael, 'Hold your chest, my bill is Euros 10,000'. That's ok Dr. Ruth I will pay it on my PD credit card.

Many Years ago, Charlie Haughey visited a top psychiatrist in Dublin. The doctor asked 'Napoleon, when did you start thinking you were Charlie Haughey - you have a split personality and you will make a fine Taoiseach. Haughey left smiling. The Doctor was too afraid to ask Napoleon for his fee.

Bertie lies on a couch last night in Drumcondra - He has the same Psychiatrist. Bertie asked the Doctor - How could Celia leave me for a Cobbler in Castleknock. The Doctor replied. Did Haughey not teach you to keep your Mistress underground for a few years - now and again when she gets bored, fly her to Paris on the government jet and service her quietly and politely on taxpayers money .... by the way, try and make sure she is not the wife of a High Court Judge. Doctor, that is great says Bertie.....How much do I owe you. Euros 200 says the doctor - and Bertie says 'I just need to get my piggy bank'.

Haughey speaking to Miriam Lord, writer Irish Times, recalled a lift from Listowel. They stopped off at a pub - Mat the Threshers. 11.00 a.m. in the morning in a village of 45 people, Haughey orders champagne. Mr. Haughey, I have your special bottle here for you, says Matt. Miriam Lord says then she realised Napoleon loved power and being among people.

Bertie has lied 14 days in a row to the Irish people and yet McDowell will stay there until May because it is about money. As Haughey said once, Shirts in Dunnes Stores are for the working man - Mine are bought in Paris and Italy and all you idiots pay for them.

Similarity to Bertie's separation, Manchester and Dublin idiots paid for Bertie's separation.

Charlie was born, where, I will give you a hint. 'What do you call a nortthsider up before the tribunals ........ The Taoiseach.

Yes, we have two. We have Haughey and we have Bertie. Now also of having the similarity of having a mistress each, all dates financed by the f...ing taxpayer. Now I ask you all tonight, we have tribunals running at a cost of 240 million euros and running......corruption. In the last 2 weeks we have a Taoiseach allegedly evading his corrupt lifestyle and then we have McDowell gone like a sheep minus a Ba Ba except for him shouting May Ma May for the pensions (full term).

I close by saying with a question relating to the Corrib right now: What does the word accountability mean in Celtic (Septic) Ireland now?

K.T. Walsh

Quotation:
'An ego maniac.
If being an ego maniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or my music, then in that respect you can call me that, I believe in what I do and I will say it'
John Lennon British musician